Title: How Am I Different Rating: R/NC17 Pairing: Stan/Kyle Summary: Stan and Kyle both lose something. Two things, in Kyle's case. Sequel to First Settlements. Notes: Spoilers for ASOIAF. Mathom.
I've said this like three times now, but I was so, so, so thrilled to see you had posted more of this verse. It was really good to read from Stan's point of view this time, too, because even though my default opinion of point of view changes is generally one of heavy skepticism (although it's true, this isn't a classic chaptered fic either), I felt like we really needed to see from Stan's eyes this time in order to see their actual relationship, because this Kyle is pretty much the most self-absorbed Kyle ever.
The troubling thing about this is that Kyle is obviously going to be very focused on himself because his agony over his body prevents him from ever really being at ease. And poor Stan does every little thing he possibly can to try to make life easier for Kyle, which basically means bowing to Kyle's every whim and hoping this will satisfy him. This doesn't actually solve anything, because Kyle is really all over the place with his desires. He doesn't want Stan to leave, then he wants him to leave. Giving Stan the benefit of the doubt is something he simply cannot do. He's not seeing Stan as an real person who has also feelings, which was so miserably evident when he says this: "Like I said before, or — sometime. It must be nice to only occasionally be confused and upset." What's so sad about this is Stan is confused and upset pretty much constantly throughout this story.
Stan lying in the grass for two hours at the party is essentially where he is right now in their relationship: completely passive, at a total fucking loss, and too guilted to get up and leave (literally, because Stan is Kyle's ride home), even though he probably should, because Kyle thinking it's okay to drunkenly tell him he doesn't want to be in a relationship going into college is the shittiest thing to drop on somebody at a Fourth of July party, even worse when he backtracks on this later and pretends like everything is fine, talking about hot dogs and shit.
I'm just really angry at Kyle. And I feel so sad for Stan and the general disconnect between them. It was actually a huge relief for me that Stan finally breaks down and cries at the end. He's been needing to do that all summer.
I'm anxiously awaiting to see what happens next! Thanks for continuing to write this verse! I really, really enjoy it.
Hi! I owe SO MANY stupid comments and reviews it's now ridiculous, and I can't even reply to this without saying that, so, hey.
I'm glad you felt that seeing this, or at least this one part, from Stan's point-of-view was useful, because I certainly felt that getting a load of Kyle through someone else's perspective was going to be necessary. I write a lot of self-absorbed Kyles but this one's pretty horrible here, yeah. I hope that's okay and it's not off-putting. (It's probably horribly off-putting.)
>> Kyle is really all over the place with his desires
Yes, yes he sure is, and he's sort of conscious of it and self-conscious about it, and he can't help it. But that doesn't make it any easier on Stan or help the other people in Kyle's life feel better about being caught in the middle of his emotional turmoil. The reason I want to write another part of this is to come back to Stan and Kyle down the road from this and examine how they get on when they're older and more removed from adolescence/high school/each other, in some ways. Stan will learn in time to stick up for himself and will become an adult whose life doesn't revolve around this one person or this one group of people. I guess it's accurate to say that this is Stan's nadir, or both of theirs.
I'm really really glad you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading.
Oh god I'm so happy you writed more about this AU. It's something I think I've never read before even in others fandoms, or at least not as well-written as yours. I can't help but feel bad for Stan, he's so sweet, a little awkward and trying his best to organize some romantics times while Kyle is ruining everything. Kyle is so selfish here, but at the same time you can't really blame him because of everything he's going through, even though it made me very sad and angry when he said to Stan he couldn't be his boyfriend. So i'm grateful for the end, that Kyle did apologize even if it didn't mean much for Stan. I find it very interesting that their relationship seems to be centered only on Kyle's well-being (or actually not-well-being here), Stan's feelings being just a detail. I wonder how they're going to work that out, if they're going to work that out. Oh and Catelyn Stark as Stan's favourite character makes sense, I actually wondered about which character would be each SP children 's favourite when I read the book.
Anyway I really, really loved this sequel and I hope you're going to write again about this ftm Kyle !
Thank you! I'm really glad that this seems both original and well-written. I have been pretty nervous about the subject matter, so it is a relief to hear that you think I managed to pull it off, and that you enjoyed reading it!
I am definitely planning to write a third story about this situation, because I think when Stan and Kyle are a bit older and more mature their relationship will be poised to move into a better place. Still, I know this is dark and I felt bad for Stan as I was writing this. In thinking about creating a three-part arc I was thinking of the second part as having to end in an especially low place so that the last third could be redemptive in how it concludes. I hope I manage to pull it off! Thank you thank you for reading.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2013-07-31 14:56 (UTC)The troubling thing about this is that Kyle is obviously going to be very focused on himself because his agony over his body prevents him from ever really being at ease. And poor Stan does every little thing he possibly can to try to make life easier for Kyle, which basically means bowing to Kyle's every whim and hoping this will satisfy him. This doesn't actually solve anything, because Kyle is really all over the place with his desires. He doesn't want Stan to leave, then he wants him to leave. Giving Stan the benefit of the doubt is something he simply cannot do. He's not seeing Stan as an real person who has also feelings, which was so miserably evident when he says this: "Like I said before, or — sometime. It must be nice to only occasionally be confused and upset." What's so sad about this is Stan is confused and upset pretty much constantly throughout this story.
Stan lying in the grass for two hours at the party is essentially where he is right now in their relationship: completely passive, at a total fucking loss, and too guilted to get up and leave (literally, because Stan is Kyle's ride home), even though he probably should, because Kyle thinking it's okay to drunkenly tell him he doesn't want to be in a relationship going into college is the shittiest thing to drop on somebody at a Fourth of July party, even worse when he backtracks on this later and pretends like everything is fine, talking about hot dogs and shit.
I'm just really angry at Kyle. And I feel so sad for Stan and the general disconnect between them. It was actually a huge relief for me that Stan finally breaks down and cries at the end. He's been needing to do that all summer.
I'm anxiously awaiting to see what happens next! Thanks for continuing to write this verse! I really, really enjoy it.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-01 18:44 (UTC)I'm glad you felt that seeing this, or at least this one part, from Stan's point-of-view was useful, because I certainly felt that getting a load of Kyle through someone else's perspective was going to be necessary. I write a lot of self-absorbed Kyles but this one's pretty horrible here, yeah. I hope that's okay and it's not off-putting. (It's probably horribly off-putting.)
>> Kyle is really all over the place with his desires
Yes, yes he sure is, and he's sort of conscious of it and self-conscious about it, and he can't help it. But that doesn't make it any easier on Stan or help the other people in Kyle's life feel better about being caught in the middle of his emotional turmoil. The reason I want to write another part of this is to come back to Stan and Kyle down the road from this and examine how they get on when they're older and more removed from adolescence/high school/each other, in some ways. Stan will learn in time to stick up for himself and will become an adult whose life doesn't revolve around this one person or this one group of people. I guess it's accurate to say that this is Stan's nadir, or both of theirs.
I'm really really glad you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-01 22:52 (UTC)I can't help but feel bad for Stan, he's so sweet, a little awkward and trying his best to organize some romantics times while Kyle is ruining everything. Kyle is so selfish here, but at the same time you can't really blame him because of everything he's going through, even though it made me very sad and angry when he said to Stan he couldn't be his boyfriend. So i'm grateful for the end, that Kyle did apologize even if it didn't mean much for Stan.
I find it very interesting that their relationship seems to be centered only on Kyle's well-being (or actually not-well-being here), Stan's feelings being just a detail. I wonder how they're going to work that out, if they're going to work that out.
Oh and Catelyn Stark as Stan's favourite character makes sense, I actually wondered about which character would be each SP children 's favourite when I read the book.
Anyway I really, really loved this sequel and I hope you're going to write again about this ftm Kyle !
no subject
Date: 2013-08-02 23:52 (UTC)I am definitely planning to write a third story about this situation, because I think when Stan and Kyle are a bit older and more mature their relationship will be poised to move into a better place. Still, I know this is dark and I felt bad for Stan as I was writing this. In thinking about creating a three-part arc I was thinking of the second part as having to end in an especially low place so that the last third could be redemptive in how it concludes. I hope I manage to pull it off! Thank you thank you for reading.